Waiting for Bob
June 8, 2000: The Most Dangerous Game (Day 14)
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Story begins May 22, 2000
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Sucks Less, More Filling

or, this diet worked for me

I love food.

I have had a love affair with food for all my life. Early on, and to my detriment, I thought I loved large amounts of food, eaten in single sittings and eaten in nice regular snack breaks. But now I know better. Now I've learned that what I love about food is not quantity, but quality. Not that I can really talk too much about the quality of what I eat.

Thanks to the one-two punch of working in a home office and being tremendously lazy, I often have a chance to make a good meal for myself, a chance to which I give a cheerful wave as it whooshes overhead. That means that I order a lot of takeout food, and one of the best parts of civilization is that there is almost always a chance that the exact food item you desire can be delivered to you on demand. (Although some food items take a little longer than others.)

And with such an embarrassment of riches before me, I have an even more embarrassing confession to make.

I love Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut is second only to Starbucks in proving my theory of economic food mediocrity - all you need to do to succeed is be better than 51% of the competition, and have a franchise plan. Wherever you go in North America, thanks to benevolent corporate overlords like these, you can say to yourself I want some pizza and it will immediately be followed by well, there's always Pizza Hut. And there is. There's always Pizza Hut.

And when you're desperate for some food, and the only things in the apartment are a jar of mayonnaise, a bag of lentils, and a coupon for cheap pizza from the Hut, that's sort of a comforting thought. Especially if, like me, you really like their three-cheese blend.

Besides, I can always make up for it later with Badass Jack's. But that's a story for another time.

- Doug

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